


Same Old Lang Syne

by WhitCake



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-02
Updated: 2012-12-02
Packaged: 2017-12-21 23:16:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/906104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhitCake/pseuds/WhitCake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Songfic using Dan Fogelberg's Same Old Lang Syne; Delic leads a lonely life, choosing his career over his lover. Many years later, a chance meeting at a grocery store on Christmas Eve shakes his world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Same Old Lang Syne

**Author's Note:**

> This was a very emotional one for me to write, at an emotional time in my life. It means a lot to me. I use the "-nii" and Japanese suffixes when they're talking to each other. To me, it's like they're own special names for each other. That's why I use them.

Christmas Eve was usually a time for family, for holding your lover close, for celebration. A time to be happy. But a smile did not grace Delic's lips on this night. And a real smile had not found him for quite some time. Disgruntled, and very tired, he looked around his kitchen for something to eat. Another bad thing about living alone, no one to help him keep up with groceries.

"I am rich, why don't I just hire someone to do that for me." He mumbled, slamming the cabinets closed. Perhaps because deep down, he despised being rich, famous, loved by all. Having someone buy his groceries was just another reminder of his lonely life.

Glancing outside, he noticed something. Snow. The quiet white flakes slowly began to fall. This was a good a time as any to go and get his groceries. Slipping on a coat, and grabbing his keys, he headed out. Surprisingly, the roads weren't busy. No last minute shoppers? Ah, well it was about six in the evening. Most people are with their families..

That thought struck a cord once more and Delic chose to dismiss it. Along with the thoughts of a blue eyed blond that began to appear. Those thoughts would only lead to dismay and drinking later on.

The store came into view and he sighed. At last, a distraction from his thoughts. Or so he thought. Upon entering said store, he had a weird feeling. A feeling that something may happen. Good? Bad? Who could say.

The shopping trip was uneventful for a while, putting the necessities into his cart; milk, soda, bread, cereal.. alcohol. That was something he depended on lately to keep sane.

Pulling up to the frozen food aisle, he kept his eyes on the shelf. That is, until something blue caught his eye. Blue and white. Turning his head, his gaze locked on a man wearing a blue and white yukata. Blond. Features familiar to his own.

 

_Met my old lover in the grocery store_

_The snow was falling Christmas Eve_

It felt like his heart, that had been dormant for so long, started up again. His pulse quickened. Palms sweaty. Could it be? Could it be him? Of course it was, but the thought of seeing his brother again after all these years.. Disbelief.

He did the first thing he could think of, and that was to reach out and tug on his sleeve. Almost like he used to do as a child, when desperate for his brother's affection.

 

_I stood behind her in the frozen foods_

_And I touched her on the sleeve_

The calmer man had a natural reaction, and that was to jump a little in surprise and pull his sleeve from Delic's grip. Tsugaru gave him a look and said one thing. "Who are you?" But, it seemed that as soon as those words passed his lips, he knew who Delic was. Tsugaru's gorgeous blue eyes opened wide in realization. He was nearly knocked over by the sudden hug he received, but for the first time in a long time, Delic found himself smiling. Not only smiling, but laughing as well. They both were laughing. So relieved to see one another, that all they could do was laugh, hug and cry a little bit.

 

_She didn't recognize the face at first_

_But then her eyes flew open wide_

_She went to hug me and she spilled her purse_

_And we laughed until we cried_

They did not converse too much, not right there. They decided to take their food to the cashier and get going. Perhaps go out somewhere to catch up. Delic offered to pay for his brother's groceries but that idea was quickly out of the picture.

"It is my groceries, do not worry about it!" In other words, he was his own man now. So don't pay for his things.

They made idle chatter while they paid for their groceries and it was really starting to feel like old times. Almost as if they never-

Never broke up.

 

_We took her groceries to the check out stand_

_The food was totalled up and bagged_

_We stood there lost in our embarrassment_

_As the conversation lagged_

Though if they were to have any sort of real conversation, they would have to get out of here. Otherwise they would continue to look like fools chatting it up in a grocery store. "Tsuga-nii," The name he called his brother so long ago, perhaps it would intrigue the other to go have a talk with him. "Shall we get out of here? Maybe get a couple drinks with me? It has been so long."

His brother was considering it, the furrowing brow a major clue. Each moment his question went unanswered literally felt like an eternity.

After what was really only a few minutes, he nodded.

"Of course. I would like that." But there was hesitance behind it. They both knew it was a little awkward, based on what happened between them, but Delic was overjoyed at this chance.

"Ha! Excellent. Let us be off, Into the night~" Where did all this happiness come from? His usual flirty, happy demeanor had returned, in the course of going to the store and seeing his beloved brother.

They pushed their carts out to their own cars and loaded their groceries. After that, they decided quickly, because it was too cold outside to decide slowly, that they would take Tsugaru's car. Delic was looking for bars, and Tsugaru was looking for a cafe of some sort. They really could find neither. After a little chatting about what to do, some eye-rolling from Tsugaru, they settled on buying a simple six-pack of beer.

Delic went in and bought it, running out like a insanely happy lovesick fool back to the car.

"You are so silly. In that, you really have not changed." His brother remarked with a chuckle.

However, Delic had to disagree silently. His demeanor drastically changed after the break up. It was as if he would never smile, never laugh, never genuinly be happy again.

But he kept that to himself.

"Let's find some place to park and drink these. As well as catch me up on your life!" And that is just what they did. They drove to a secluded parking lot, lit with a couple of dim streetlights. Delic opened his beer first, and then Tsugaru hesitantly opened his.

Same old Tsugaru, never really liking liquor. That was a fond little memory that brought a smile to his face. The traditional man had not changed in some ways; he wondered what his older brother had experienced over the years.

A part of him would really like to be a little closer, touch his hand, feel some kind of warmth. And another part of him realized that it was much too soon for that and he would, he must, have restraint.

 

_We went to have ourselves a drink or two_

_But couldn't find an open bar_

_We bought a six-pack at the liquor store_

_And we drank it in her car_

It was awkward, at least at first. They drank in silence, up until Delic broke the silence. He raised his beer and smiled. "A toast, how 'bout it? To the chance meeting, to you.. and me." Tsugaru raised his and 'clinked' their cans together, but couldn't help noticing a lingering sadness in his brother's face just then. A toast to their years together, their teen years and the years they were together as a couple before..

That was a road he didn't want to travel. No fond memories there. Just Delic's foolish drunken behaviour, neglecting Tsugaru by staying out until the wee hours of the morning, and his career taking off. He was never home. He could not imagine the lonliness that his brother felt for those years.

"A toast, yes.. A meeting in the grocery store by chance. I am glad it happened." Even though those words seemed, and most likely were sincere, Tsugaru put the beer to his lips and took a large swallow of it. He never just drank like that; it was as if he were trying to gather up the courage for something. It seemed this meeting would be hard on both of them.

 

_We drank a toast to innocence_

_We drank a toast to now_

_We tried to reach beyond the emptiness_

_But neither one knew how_

Delic had to agree, he was glad this meeting had taken place. It had been so long since they had seen one another. Tsugaru still looked the same in general, except with a slight sadness in those eyes. Or was that just this moment that was creating this incredible sad look? "Tell me about your life, Tsu." He spoke softly and moved a little closer, just needing to close the little gap between them.

"I am married." And that confession hit Delic like a ton of bricks, making his heart squeeze and ache like nothing he'd ever felt before.

Still, he did not distance himself from his brother. He kept the closeness, despite the crushing heartbreak that was overwhelming his senses.

"An architect. He.. puts a roof over my head, a rather sturdy one. He is around quite a bit, doing his best to make me happy." The pun was possibly intended to soften the blow, since Tsugaru really knew he used to be fond of puns. Honestly though, right now, puns were not anywhere on his mind. His brother mentioned the basics, who the man was, what he did.. What about love?

"Do you love him?"

And that was a question that left itself unanswered verablly, but the way Tsugaru shifted awkwardly in his seat, choosing to glance out the window and sip on his beer, told a whole different story. They were brothers. He could tell that Tsugaru was not truly in love with whoever this man was.

Still, jealousy burned at his very sould. Tsugaru laid with another man, a stranger to Delic. Was keeping another man's bed warm at night.

This was something he thought of late at night, but hoped it was just nightmares. Untrue, he thought. Until now.

 

_She said she's married her an architect_

_Who kept her warm and safe and dry_

_She would have liked to say she loved the man_

_But she didn't like to lie_

This silence would not do. However, pursuing the marriage topic any further may end this night. Tsugaru may call it a night and that would be it. He could plainly see that he didn't want to discuss this any further right now. And honestly, neither did Delic. The heartbreak was immense, but he managed to put a smile on his face. To prevent scaring his brother away, the topic would be mildly changed.

"You're still the same. The years have definitely been kind to you." He murmured, reaching up to slide his thumb across his brother's now blushing cheek, moving the thumb to wipe under those deep ocean blue eyes. "Your eyes are still blue, a gorgeous shade. I always thought that."

"I.. Thank you.." That was spoken hesitantly, and those eyes Delic had fallen in love with, seemed very unsure about what was happening here. He accepted Delic's touches, delicate and soft, but he realized that if things went too far..

He would never see Tsugaru again. That is the story his brother's eyes told.

 

_I said the years had been a friend to her_

_And that her eyes were still as blue_

_But in those eyes I wasn't sure if I saw_

_Doubt or gratitude_

Tsugaru looked out the window once more, pulling away from his touch. "I have seen your posters, your CD's and such in the stores. You appear to be doing very well for yourself." There was a sting in that statement. Of course he was doing well, money-wise. Not wanting to pry into why that statement seemed a bit sarcastic, he kept the conversation going. All while still leaning on Tsugaru's seat. He didn't want to lose the physical closeness right now.

"I have fans, and I appreciate them. They keep my CD sales up, but the travelin' is rough. I don't get much sleep." Though there were deeper emotional reasons why sleep didn't reach him.

 

_She said she saw me in the record stores_

_And that I must be doing well_

_I said the audience was heavenly_

_But the traveling was Hell_

"Is that so?" Tsugaru clucked his tongue and looked back at Delic, raising his nearly empty beer can. Though confused, he raised his as well. "Then perhaps a toast one more for this meeting. The last time we spoke, it was of arguing and heartbreak. You, the rising star of the music world, never having the time for the one you thought you loved most."

Well, that hurt. But it was true. So he let his brother continue. maybe a little ranting is what he needed to heal.

Tears began to shine in Tsugaru's eyes as he continued to speak. "We messed around in High school, then began to get serious after school. Until your music became popular, I truly thought we would be together until we were old and grey. A foolish dream." He crushed the can with one hand and threw it on the floor of his car.

Delic lowered his beer slowly. "You know how sorry I am for all of that? It wasn't a foolish dream. We shared that dream."

"Stop it. You cannot say all of this after so many years have passed.. You cannot!" The tears had started falling from Tsugaru's eyes at this point. The past had reopened a wound for both of them. Delic was not going to sit there and watch his brother break down. He wanted to be close to him more than anything.

"Deli-nii, I loved you so much, I-"

Tsugaru's lips were quieted by Delic's own. It had been so long since they shared a kiss; he'd forgotten how intoxicating his brother's lips were. He leaned closer, but did not quite push anything forward. He did not want to force anything, but continued. After all, Tsu was not pulling away. His actions appeared to be accepted by the older sibling; his brother's lips even opened in a slight gasp.

Delic's hands moved their way up to cup ither side of Tsugaru's face, touching, memorizing the soft skin. However, lips beneathe his own began to tremble. Something tiny and cold dribbled from the soft skin and onto his hands.

"Please, stop."

The soft whisper from his brother was barely audible, but pleading at the same time.

"You made your decision. Besides, how were we to be together.. truly together? We are related. Breaking my heart back then was the right thing to do." Each heartwrenching word made Delic pull away until he was sitting back in his seat.

He had taken it too far. Too much, too soon.

 

_We drank a toast to innocence_

_We drank a toast to time_

_Reliving, in our eloquence_

_Another "Auld Lang Syne"_

The hours went on slowly after the incident. No more talk of the past, no more attempts at getting closer and kissing him like he desperately wanted to. Instead, they chatted about mild things; the weather, what they were going to do tomorrow, ect.

This night was about over. Tsugaru's phone was vibrating nonstop and the clock read past midnight. They both agreed that it was time to go. Tsugaru drove Delic back to his vehicle at the closed grocery store, just sitting there, unmoving.

"It.. It was nice catching up." Delic looked over and smiled, despite feeling the urge to cry.

"I would have to agree." Then there was awkward silence once more, so he decided to turn to open the door and get out.

"Wait." Oh, now what? Delic was just standing out in the snow when another door closing was heard. He turned around and found himseld being kissed by his brother. A desperate, slow kiss.

A goodbye kiss.

"Take care of yourself."

And with that whisper, Tsugaru stepped backwards, regret and sadness in his eyes. If only he could reach out, just reach out and hold onto Tsugaru. To hold onto him and never let him go.

But that wouldn't happen. His brother had already gotten into his car and drove off. All Delic could do is stand there, watching the best thing that ever happened to him drive out of his life.

 

_The beer was empty and our tongues were tired_

_And running out of things to say_

_She gave a kiss to me as I got out_

_And I watched her drive away_

Why had this happened? Was Delic supposed to have met him in that grocery store, swept him off his feet, letting them both live happily ever after? Life didn't work like that.

All the memories of togetherness, the love.. They all came flooding back. It was as if he were back in high school, when Tsu and he got together. Then breaking up several years later. It all happened at once, but..

Numb; that was the feeling. And not just because he was standing out in the snow now for 10 minutes. He reached up to touch his lips, the lips his brother had kissed willingly as he left.

 

_Just for a moment I was back at school_

_And felt that old familiar pain_

"Tsugaru.."

Delic felt the soft snow transform into something colder and wetter, droplets hitting his head, running down his face. This was it, the sign to head home. He turned around, started his car and left.

Tsugaru and him would never see each other again, and he knew he would never again love someone as deeply as he loves his brother. Part of this experience re-opened old wounds, but gave him closure.

It didn't matter right now, closure or not, he was still going home to an empty apartment, without the man he loved most in this world.

But there would always be memories to cling on to. Until they faded. However, like the tears rolling down his cheeks, they would not be fading for a good long time.

Delic was just fine with that.

The pain will subside someday.

He had to believe that.

 

_And, as I turned to make my way back home_

_The snow turned into rain_


End file.
